"I read my way into feminism."
My name is Kate Oates. I'm 34 years old and I stay at home with my two boys. I went to school for business, but instead of climbing the ladder I followed my dreams and moved West. I worked in a group home, taught outdoor ed, worked in Yosemite, nannied, and met my husband along the way. Then my dad got cancer. I moved back to the Midwest to help my parents. My dad improved and I moved back to California and married Dustin. Instead of choosing a place to live where we could both find meaningful work (by this time I knew I wanted to pursue a creative career), we stayed in the small foothill town where Dustin was working. I did find work, but it was just that - work - not fulfilling.
Looking back, Dustin and I have oceans of regret regarding that time in life. We had no kids and could have moved anywhere. We could have moved to a city that would have something for both of us. But we didn't.
My dad's cancer returned and we knew it was the end. We picked up and moved back to the Midwest to be with my family. After he passed away we started looking for work - work for Dustin. By this point he was the one with the career. He landed a great job in Bloomington, Indiana. I did find work, but once again, just work. Then after a couple of years we were ready to start a family. And because I was not in a career it made a lot of sense to stay at home.
Two kids later and here we are. Dustin just landed his dream job and we moved back to California. The combination of the move, postpartum depression, the lack of community, and not using my abilities and passions in a meaningful way just about broke me.
One night after a long day with the kids I sat down to watch, Makers: Women Who Make America. At one point Gloria Steinem was talking about her mother who had spiralled into depression after giving up her career to support her father's ambitions. She said, "I can't even emphasize what it is like. It's like giving up being a person. It's giving up your interests. It's giving up what makes you unique. It's giving up what gives you joy, what you love to do and become an addendum. A mother of. A wife of." She could have been talking about me.
I know that sounds dramatic and heartbreaking. And it is. But instead of making me more depressed a light turned on. It was the beginning of my feminist awakening.
My quote above is borrowed from Letty Cottin Pogrbin and it is setting me on my path to engaging my mind and talents. In this space I will be reading books, essays, articles from feminists past and present and sharing them with you. I will draw their portrait including a quote that spoke to me. This is now my work - and it is fulfilling.
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